Arpita and Nikhil’s collective weblog

Does your culture depend on the education you have? January 16, 2009

I have to interact with many kinds of people from all segments of society and the different kinds of attitudes that I get from different kinds of people are amazing. Most of the people are highly educated but send off very different vibes. I have seen two kinds of people. The ones who are really intelligent and smart and the ones who think they are very intelligent and smart.

The really intelligent ones are a pleasure to talk to. They are usually quite witty, have so much information about so many topics, they are passionate about their hobbies, they have no hang-ups usually, and oh yes, without an exception their humility is something one has to appreciate. They are brilliant, they know it, but they are matter of fact about it. They have achieved a lot in their field and don’t mind sharing ideas. Even the suggestions that they come up are very good and possible to implement. These people know how to be polite and put their thoughts across. Even when they have a complaint, they word it properly and politely and usually always get their problem solved. I just love hanging out and interacting with such people. When they come to talk, we invariably end up discussing something very interesting and exciting. It is an enriching experience just talking to them.

I have come across really smart women who are a pleasure to talk to as well. Some are housewives who have chosen to be housewives to spend time with their kids. Some women are full time or part time professionals and are doing an amazing job managing two fronts. They are very helpful and co-operative and do the best for their children. Their kids are flourishing too.

Then there is the other kind – the ones who think they are very intelligent and smart. And sad to say, there are more women in this category that I have come across than men. It disturbs me because I used to think that women are more balanced and sensitive and therefore it follows that they should have more people-sense. But it seems not to be that way. These people are so loud and arrogant, they end up irritating the people they talk to. Almost even before you have heard what this person wants to say, you have decided that you don’t want to help him. The people associated with such people also suffer as they never get their problems solved because no one wants to help them out. The ‘I think I am smart’ types lose out on every front. Their kids usually suffer as a result. As the parent interferes and speaks arrogantly, the kid gets embarrassed. When the parent blows up issues out of proportion, the child slowly loses friends. Moreover, the child also gets the wrong message – he will probably be just like that and lose out on the finer things in life.

But what completely baffles me is, how can one not realise that this attitude is wrong and then try to change it. Do you not know when you are being rude and arrogant? Is not possible to self analyze that the person you are talking to is annoyed with you and is shutting you out? Can you not make out from the expression on the face of the person that you are talking to that your communication method is failing?

So, that made me realise that just having educational qualifications and fancy degrees doesn’t give you the basic values. They are part of your culture, your upbringing, the kind of friends you have, the way your parents have behaved. Probably that is where intelligence comes in – a well developed emotional intelligence. That is what is necessary to be a good, pleasant human being.